The Warning Signs of Sweetheart Swindle

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Every case is different, so there will be no other swindle pulled exactly like mine. The con artist "reads" their mark and adapts their acts to whatever it takes for that particular victim.

However, some aspects of the cons are consistent and predictable and there are warning signs and things to look out for. Most of these signs are completely invisible to the victim because the "sweetheart" obtains his complete trust and is able to explain away any questions. They are geniuses at manipulating human thought and behaviors.

How to Avoid the Scam

Watch out for the warning signs listed below or similar.
Do not trust a new girlfriend / boyfriend with your money, no matter how important their reasons.
Require verifiable documentation in advance, of their identity and any requests for financial assistance.
Do not let them "love" you while being financially needy.
Refuse to give cash to anyone.
Do not let them isolate you from real loved ones, because the problems are too "personal" or "embarrassing" for others to know.
Check them out before getting involved.

By sharing many particulars in what I have learned from my scam below, I hope to inform and educate to help others avoid being victimized by these ruthless gypsies or similar crooks.

Signs of a Gypsy

The scam could be pulled by any psychopath, but gypsies are well known for pulling sweetheart swindle among their many cons. The gypsy will never use the "G-word" and the victim will never know she is a gypsy, since that might cause him to find a page like this. So, it would be good to know what a gypsy looks like. She need not be attractive. Here are some common characteristics of the gypsies I have seen in and around Sacramento California:

dark skin complexion (sometimes pocked skin)
dark hair or unnaturally colored hair
large gold jewelry
long skirts (modesty in public seems to be important)
huge, obese men (fat is a sign of success in the culture)
illiterate / fail to finish school / keeping kids out of school
sometimes genetic oddities due to incest / inbreeding
common last names: Mitchell, Marks, John, etc.
no middle initials or names: first and last name only
very nice / friendly people to talk to
odd accent on their english speech (explained as "Italian" or other)
sometimes talking in an another language (actually Romany)
unknown addresses / using private mailbox rental place for mail
no employers / no apparent means of support / claiming "self-employed"
buying things from a wad of $100 cash bills
statues and fancy decorations around and in their homes
their homes reamin continuously "for sale" for many months or years
sometimes live in rented locations, leaving a wake of unlawful detainer disputes as they refuse to actually pay rent
sometimes live in mobile homes that can disappear quickly

Signs of the Sweetheart Swindle

The con can also be pulled by males swindling females, so substitue "or he" here. This stuff might sound ridiculous, but she has multiple believable, but unconfirmable, explanations prepared for each one and only pulls this stuff after you have 100% trust in her.

she seems to be just what you want (she makes sure this is so via excellent acting)
she shares your beliefs and values and becomes your best friend
she cooks for you, buys you gifts, and says she loves you (to get you to love her)
she will hold your hand or hug you briefly
she gets your sympathy with detailed stories of major personal losses (except that they aren't true)
she has a "brother" (actually her husband)
she has no employer
she refuses to give you a picture or to take one of her
she refuses to reveal her address, drivers license, etc.
she wants you to buy her clothes and stuff
she needs help paying important "bills" since she is struggling with getting a job
she can't produce the bills or receipts for payment
she can only pay her bills in cash (to get discounts or because she has no bank account)
she has an explanation for all your questions but none of them can be confirmed, or denied
she isolates you from family and friends (by convincing you that no one can know about our personal medical / financial troubles; we will get through it together)

Too Good To Be True

We've all heard this phrase and use it to avoid the obvious scams. But if you were like me and had never heard of sweetheart swindle, it just doesn't seem to apply at all. There is no obvious "too good" offer on the table. Rather, it is a normal loving "sweetheart" relationship you have always dreamed of having with your soul mate. Everyone strives for such a relationship, right? So how can love be too good?

Here are some examples in my case. These are actual things Belinda Mitchell said to me, and what they meant in hindsight. Please understand that there were weeks and months of courtship and conversations to make all her statements believable.

Too Good to Be True (what the sweetheart says)	Reality (what the swindler actually means)
"Don't I know you from somewhere?"	I don't know you but suspect I could manipulate you. Soon I will know you enough to completely control you. I use a line like this to initiate evaluation of all prospective marks.
"What do you do?"	This should get you talking about your job or hobbies to give me a clue if you have $$$,$$$.
"I am an interior decorator"	I have never worked a day in my life, but I will claim anything "self-employed" so you can't find me out.
"This is my brother" (as she introduces the nice guy that seems to care for his sister)	This is my gypsy husband and co-conspirator in our crimes. Man is he ugly and fat!
"This is my niece / nephew, my brother's kid."	And I am the mother. This is one of my many kids. But I couldn't steal from you if you knew that.
"I am Italian"	To explain my accent and dark complexion. I couldn't let you know I am gypsy and speak Romany, since you would find a web page like this! You will never hear the word "gypsy" and will never know I am one.
"You'll never be lonely again"	because you should be dead or want to die after I get done with you!
"I believe [exactly what you believe]" as you discuss religion and politics	um, duh, because otherwise you might not like me.
"We will be together forever" / "I'll always be with you"	as long as you give me money. By talking like this, you will commit to me for as long as I want.
"I love you Puppy!" as she hands you a giant valentine or a token gift	I love your money and will destroy your life for it. Here, have this thing I bought with very little of your money!
"Yes, I will marry you!"	I will never marry you, but by saying this, I can hock this expensive ring you bought me and collect more money from you.
"Of course I want to have children with you!"	Yeah, right, I got my tubes tied after the 4th kid that you don't know I have!

Dennis Marlock said "If it sounds too good to be true, then you're dealing with an amateur con artist." So then all married people must be dealing with amateur con artists?! But seriously, all of the above seems perfectly normal and natural to the victim. The sweetheart makes sure this is so with her flattery and words to fully capture and control her mark (Proverbs 7:21).

There can be some physical contact but very little, if anything, more intimate than a quick hug. This was fine with me and my belief and desire to reserve physical intimacy until after the wedding. Again the swindler takes advantage of the "good" innocent victim and then goes home to sleep with her gypsy "brother" every night. Of course the mark never knows this.

Too Bad To Be True

Toggle one word and this phrase better applies to sweetheart swindle. Once the love and trust bond is established through the "too good" relationship, along come the financial nightmares that only the mark can resolve. The victim must take care of his precious bride to be. After all, he is the one with a job, house, some savings, and she has nothing, right?

The swindlers are excellent actors, making every detail sound real and having an answer for every question. I have reduced Linda's "bads" to simple statements here but in practice most were well delivered acts that went on and on for weeks or months, driving the victim further and further from reality.

"Love is blind" and the mark is now completely controlled by the swindler. He has become dependent on her and isolated from all sources of help (friends, family) out of the nightmare.

Too Bad to Be True (what the sweetheart says)	Reality (what the swindler actually means)
"I am a Widow"	I am married to my "brother".
"I have no car and need one to get to work"	I have never worked a day in my life and I already have a car, but this is a test to see if you will buy me something expensive.
"You are my only friend; I have no family but my poor brother"	I have many friends and family that launder your money, but you will never meet them.
"I lost my house and everything in a fire"	I live in a fancy house and have expensive stuff bought with other peoples' money. But I can make you feel sorry for me and understand you are my only means of support.
"No, you can't have a picture of me; I just don't like pictures"	Because you might show it to someone, like the cops.
"I need a major surgery"	I'm perfectly healty but I want to blow your money on more cars, statues, gold and home remodeling.
"I have no health insurance"	Um, duh, because then my previous line wouldn't be worth $$$ from you.
"We have to pay in cash to get a good discount"	Because checks are too easy to track. I refuse to sign anything because that would be evidence against me.
"You have to sell your stock"	Because it is disposable income for me!
"I have cancer and need a series of radiation treatments"	I want you to believe I am completely dependent on you. Since I have such life-or-death needs, of course you will give up your money to meet them. Nevermind that there is no cancer.
"You have to refinance your house"	Because it is disposable income for me!
"You should get a second job"	Since I stole all of your assets (disposable income!), and am still begging for more.
"I lost the $7,000 engagement ring" I made you buy me	At the pawn shop.
"Quit your second job"	Because then you wouldn't make enough money to live and would die, gaje, die!

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Timothy D. Witham <twitham@surewest.net>

Time-stamp: "2004-10-16 12:53:41 twitham"